There is his idea that black women do not deserve love. That we have to settle for men who think being “dominant”, abusive, and controlling is love, that our money is their money. That we have to cook, work full time, and raise their children in order to be proper women.
I call bullshit. I don’t want children. I rarely cook to feed myself. I want a loft apartment with skylights in a quiet, Parisian neighborhood. I also want my diamond ring. Why should I, or any other woman, have to just accept that she doesn’t deserve it all?
We don’t. We shouldn’t.
I have seen a beautiful black woman demand a down payment on a future home as her bride price, because, let’s be real, just because our fathers no longer benefit from marrying us off, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. If a man is asking you to forsake all other men to commit to a lifetime with him, you should be well-compensated for making that agreement. You should be happy, financially stable, emotionally healthy. You deserve to thrive.
So when a man is bold enough to even think that he is worthy of you, remember, that you deserve the happiest life that you can dream of. Whether you want a house or a ring or a savings account fattened with funds for your future children’s college tuitions, you deserve that. Don’t ever let anyone ever tell you that you don’t deserve everything.
A greenhouse! I deserve that too.
Filled with all of the plants we will water together. A beautiful place to start tomatoes in the spring for summer. Maybe it will double as a writing space with a standing desk and moss floors that squish beneath my feet. Am I not allowed to dream? Should I give up dreams for what little men will offer as “love”? No, no, no.
What have you been dreaming? With so many things to do in this world, life should always enrich you. Every experience you seek and long for should make you more of the person you’ve always wanted to become and shouldn’t detract from everything you’ve already worked so hard for.
Re-read these words some day when you are having trouble remembering what your heart has longed for. A spouse is meant to help fill you. Not drain you. Yes, you may be whole, you are always whole, but you can still evolve and grow into something even more beautiful.