Loving a Jealous Man: The Hairy Green Beast

How do you define nightmare? I define it as being stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you, with someone who says he loves you and then throws accusations at you of things that you know you would never do, things he has done before and things you have never participated in, like infidelity.

Yes, you love him and you want to stand by him because you believe in love and you believe that he can be better and will be better for you. You believe that he can be secure. But he cannot.

And eventually, you will be praying for a breakup, even if you don’t have the willpower to start it. Which I understand. I didn’t have the strength to initiate it because i was stuck in the muck of it. I believed that jealousy meant he cared and caring must equal love so i kept hoping it would get better. He told me that he was jealous because he loved me and I wanted to believe him despite my mind telling me that everything was wrong l. And when I’d ask him point blank if he trusted me, he’d always say yes.

The storm would pass and so would three more days when we’d end up on another date at dinner. He’d look somber, not really looking me in the eye, barely responding or reacting to anything that I’m saying. So I’d ask, “What’s wrong, baby? ” because, that’s what a girlfriend is supposed to do (or so I’ve heard). And maybe this would be the dinner where he’d reply, “The waiter was flirting with you.” Or maybe his response would be, “Charlie asked about you the other day. Did you fuck him too?” And what, really, is the appropriate response to either of those questions. I’d try nonchalance: “oh, was he? I didn’t notice. I thought he was just being nice.” Sometimes, I’d respond with anger, “No, i didn’t fuck Charlie, but if you keep this up, i will be.” I tried reassurance, “no, of course not, baby. I love you. I wouldn’t do that to you.” But what i have come to realize is that no response, no action can bring security to an insecure man.

Nothing you can say or do will give him confidence in your commitment to him. And the only thing you can do in the end is let him go. Loving a jealous man is not worth the stress, the tears, or the fighting. If those don’t kill your relationship, the over-compensating that you might do to make up for his insecurities will.

And that is how I became a different person. Everything that bothered him about me I wanted to change so that we could keep loving each other. You made me feel like I was wrong for being the way I am. That he was jealous because I was too friendly, I smile too much and at the wrong people. So that made me untrustworthy. I was beautiful, and if he thought I was beautiful, so would other men. So there was no place that we could be that was safe from his jealousy. And I wasn’t safe. The true me had to die in order to keep loving him. And that is what I call a nightmare: becoming someone less in order to keep someone who was supposed to make you more.

Maple Summers @MapleBSummers

Believes in freedom. Helping to bring openness to a sexually repressed country. Eradicating slut-shaming. Defending women of all walks. Encouraging explorative and healthy dating and relationships.

Share
Published by
Maple Summers @MapleBSummers

Recent Posts

Buy Me a House and Give Me a Ring, I Deserve Everything

Buy Me a House and Give Me a Ring, I Deserve Everything

There is his idea that black women do not deserve love. That we have to settle for men who think…

8 months ago
Hey, You Broke Bitch! You Deserve Nice Things.

Hey, You Broke Bitch! You Deserve Nice Things.

I told myself not to spend the money. I needed to save up for a down payment on a house,…

11 months ago
Yes, You Need to Put Curtains On Those Windows Because You’re an Adult Now, But Are You Really?

Yes, You Need to Put Curtains On Those Windows Because You’re an Adult Now, But Are You Really?

There is this misconception, especially in America, that turning 18 somehow suddenly transforms you into a grown person who is…

11 months ago
Why It’s Taking Me So Long to Finish This Short Story

Why It’s Taking Me So Long to Finish This Short Story

Reignite has been very difficult for me to get through. Some of you who have been following my blog over…

12 months ago
Wearing silk clothing is the next best thing to being naked in the summer time

Wearing silk clothing is the next best thing to being naked in the summer time

As it reaches past 100 degrees here in sunny Memphis, Tennessee, people hunt for ways to keep cool beneath the…

1 year ago
Back to Earth… In progress

Back to Earth… In progress

Started this project as a personal challenge to do a submission to Harlequin romance. I'm starting to think that maybe…

1 year ago

Send this to a friend

Hi, this may be interesting you: Loving a Jealous Man: The Hairy Green Beast! This is the link: https://www.kissesnsnails.com/loving-a-jealous-man-the-hairy-green-beast/
Get freaky with me
Sign up for my newsletter to get all of my awesome posts about sex, sex toys, relationships, feminism, and domestic abuse. Be the first to know about all of my lovely music updates as I compose sonatas and stuff. Just because I'm nasty, doesn't mean I can't be classy. ;)
Your Email
Ask Maple
Get a Free Song!
My first tank drum, yoga and meditation, take your stress away music album will be here soon! Until then...
Allooooooo!
Sign up for my newsletter to get all of my awesome posts about sex, sex toys, relationships, feminism, and domestic abuse. Be the first to know about all of my lovely music updates as I compose sonatas and stuff and as I finish books, drop behind the scenes tidbits, and share my process.
Your Email
This content is locked
Use one of these wonderful buttons to unlock the content and support me. :)
This post is locked.
One email address will unlock this post. :) Thanks for supporting.
Being a blogger is hard. Sharing helps make sure I can keep pumping out awesome posts. Thank you!
Share before you go!
Hey there! Sign up for my newsletter to support Kisses & Snails, unlock the rest of this banging post, and get my book updates. <3
This Content Is Locked
Sharing is Caring
How am I ever to become a bestselling author without your help? Use one of the buttons to share a link to my book on Amazon and help support me. <3
Subscribe Now
You're going to love my writing. Let me prove it by giving you a free download of my first short story!
Your Email
Becoming Air is now available to stream.
I've been banging the drum and recording and sweating and crying and banging the drum some more to bring you my first ever album.
Listen to Becoming Air now:
Have a listen.  Is this what it feels like to melt-- to evaporate, to become nothing...to become... air?  I am...becoming air in...3...2...1...