What To Do When a Crush Turns Into a One Night Stand

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One-night stands. A sexual experience that can either be extremely freeing or very insulting depending on how it goes. I have had a handful of my own one-night stands and have had very different feelings about them. The quality of a one-night stand is weighed by a lot of factors: your feelings, his/her/their feelings, if the sex was good, bad, or blah, how you met, how long you’ve known each other, your moods at the time of incident, and some other shit. Your thoughts about your one night stand will also be influenced by what happens afterwards. I’m not talking about a lack of post-coital cuddling, I’m talking about poor (or no) communication and no other sexual encounters.

So you’ve gotten laid, you might be in bliss, might be annoyed, could be indifferent and just enjoying the person afterwards. The whole experience might have been trash.com and you immediately made up some reason to leave. This shit happens. It is normal. Sex is a powerful thing that can either bond people or separate them further. For most people who (finally) get to have sex with someone they’ve developed feelings for, the sex is something you’ve been looking forward to or were dreading or anxious about. Now you’ve done it and it’s been a few days and you are starting to get the feeling that it didn’t go quite “right”.

They haven’t called or texted. You haven’t seen each other again. How long do you wait for a call after the first time you’ve had sex with someone? I’d give it, maybe a week. Maybe maybe. Why do I give it such a short amount of time? Because usually, by the time I started crushing on someone, that means that I, at the very least, have talked to them on a regular basis, and may even have seen them in person before. So at this point, I have already expended energy getting to know someone and have maybe even developed the belief that they care about or respect me in some way.

Though, we are talking about men (or, at least I am), so I am usually very wrong for thinking that they are capable of truly caring for or respecting women or for trying to believe that interactions that women have with men aren’t usually about sex. I have to underline that often, sex was the whole point of a one-night stand. I am not saying that people have not had sex and then thought it wasn’t going to turn into anything. That happens too. I just want you to be aware (if you aren’t already), that there are plenty of people who will fake interest in you for sex, and it’s nearly impossible to know them from those who actually care about you.

People have told me that I am wrong to not believe in men exist who are too shy to call you or text you after smashing you. Or that maybe a man was feeling uncertain. But I ask you this: how uncertain was he when he was sliding his dick in you? And why do people keep insisting that women have to tolerate this kind of bad sexual behavior from men? If he was confident enough to fuck you, he should be confident enough to check in on you afterwards. If he doesn’t, then maybe you have already given him what he wanted and he is gone. As much as the dying idealist in me would like to believe that men are out here waiting for us to text them first, the woman in me with good sense knows better.

“To have a crush on you is to be willing to be crushed by you.” I said that once upon a time. I believe it holds true. When your crush turns into a one night stand, I say block them. Ghost. Pretend like they never did exist. They got what they wanted. That’s the truth. Nobody who actually cares about you will sleep with you and then disappear. So don’t give them all of your energy. You are allowed to cry, be upset, be angry, but don’t go back. We have to all face the reality that women are seen as sex toys and men will trust us as such if we are not hyper-vigilant. And, the pride that you may feel after standing strong in knowing your own worth, is heady.

Now, I have said all of that for anyone who is like, “Fuck him. He can’t treat me like this. I don’t want to see him again.” But there are still those of us who enjoy casual sex, like getting even, and love treating men the way they treat us. It is up to you to decide what you want from a person and how to react to your sexual experience. Disappearing is the cleanest, quickest option, for people who are not nearly as vindictive as I am. Texting him two weeks later telling him to come over, fucking him, and then kicking him out is another. Do what is best for you and makes you happy. Whatever you decide, you are taking back your own power, and that is a beautiful thing.

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Maple Summers

Believes in freedom. Helping to bring openness to a sexually repressed country. Eradicating slut-shaming. Defending women of all walks. Encouraging explorative and healthy dating and relationships.

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